Jersey Shirts, 'Affliction' Gear, and Forever 21

I live in South Texas, Dallas Cowboy and San Antonio Spurs Land.
I grew up here, and it never ceased to amaze me how the people wearing Tim Duncan and Emmitt Smith Jersey shirts ("Jerts") NEVER REMOTELY RESEMBLED THE PLAYERS THEY WERE PROMOTING.
I don't think David Robinson ever wobbled into the Arena drunk on quarts of Miller Hi-Life, complaining about the lady at the concession stand cutting him off.
Troy Aikman ever pick a fight with security?  Michael Irvin ever... well, okay, maybe.
But sports fans (and it's not just San Antonio) never get it right.  You find the nastiest, sweatiest, drunkest guys at games wearing Steph Curry jerts all the time!  You think King Curry looks at that fat bastard and thinks, 'Yeah.  Glad he's got my name on the back of that shirt stuck to his coat of sweaty body hair."
And it's not just professional sports teams, it's brands, too.
Like 'Affliction.'  When's the last time you saw a guy wearing an 'Affliction' shirt who looked like he could fight?  Over a spot at CiCi's, maybe, but certainly not in an octagon or ring.
And you ladies aren't safe, either. 
'Forever 21' and anything resembling beach wear are 86'd after, oh, 35.  By that time, good women realize they're no longer "chicks," and have no earthly reason to don bedazzled jorts that are cut right below their butt cheeks.  
If I see back pocket lining sticking out the back of your shorts, I'll just assume it's cover for the regretful tattoo you got while trying to impress that "bad boy" who wound up polishing bowling pins at 40.
Now go check out J.R. Brow.  The guy is hilarious, works clean, and is immeasurably talented.  Also, he works the road harder than most guys half his age, so he'll be coming to a town near you soon.
Pay the cover and buy the two drinks: he's WELL worth every bit of it.